laughter in chaos

There's almost too many options - it's hard. Where do we go? What do we do? What about 'we'? When? How? It really is tough - good, but tough. We have all of these 'grown-up' decisions to make and now's the time to make them. Will I be ready to make those decisions? Will I ever be ready?

I've been job searching, and job waiting, and job doing. Right now I'm working on those two websites - graffitiministries.org and the FH site. I'm waiting to hear about a video production assistant part-time job, waiting to hear from two design agencies, I'm on-call for lawn-mowing jobs, doing odd jobs for the Byrds - it's a crazy time. I almost feel like I'm JUST behind where I'm supposed to be in this game of life.

But tonight has been so lovely. I don't think I've had so much care-free fun with Kate for such a long stretch in a long time. It does the heart good to laugh in the midst of chaos - and we're right there in it together. MMm MMm good.

moving is for the byrds

I'm out of the Wolfe's house - about 8 miles from my lovely girlfriend Kate - but it may be greener on this side of the fence. I think it's nice to get some time away from Kate. Aside from the whole "absence makes the heart grow fonder," we both decided that it will be nice to be able to get into our own little individual routines now. I will be able to start running and work late and Kate will be able to talk to more of her friends and get some errands done. So even though we're apart - it's still good.

And now I'm living with the Byrds - Miss Florence and Mr. Billy; that's the southern respectful way of addressing those older than you. They're a lovely couple who have traveled the world and are constantly on the move. I actually had to wait a week to move in here because they went camping for a week and next week they're going somewhere else for another week.

The Byrds have opened their home to me - I've just talked to them about three times and they already feel like another neighborhood mom and dad. Mr. Billy taught me how to change the oil - not only that but he said, "Alright Kevin, the next one's yours - that Buick station wagon." His words were thick with the southern draw mixed with a little swamp-talk slur. He's confident in my abilities already and I feed off that so well - I'm excited. Miss Florence is lovely; she's a kind servant with a happy and free attitude. When I asked how late they usually stay up, Miss Florence replied quickly and confidently, "Twelve," shrugging it off like it's no big deal for her - and it's probably not.

The place I'm staying is a room above their messy garage (Miss Florence has been waiting to have a yard sale. "I wish she'd have it already," Mr. Billy said after he forged a trail from his tool bench in the back of the garage to get ready to change the oil.) My room is a long room with a bed on one end, the entrance on the other, a small closet space on either side (like other attic rooms usually have) and a pool table in the center (which is awesome). I didn't play pool tonight but I may later - I gotta get better at 9-ball.

I've asked the Lord to bless this house. I asked Him to also bless Miss Florence and Billy for blessing me. I asked for strength, motivation, and health so that I can be a blessing to them and the opposite of a burden. I want to lighten their load and bless them as much as I can while I'm here.

Tomorrow's the day to start getting some real work done on the websites - so far so good. Disciplining myself is a great idea.

agree to disagree...now what?

What do you do when you disagree with someone who wants you to agree with them? Do you scamper away from your strong-founded (at least in your eyes) beliefs? Do you proudly and defiantly shrug off all opposition for your "truth" to stand in the mist of "falsehood?"

In other words, will you be a coward or an arrogant, insensitive pig. I'm sure the balance of some cowardly pig is in there somewhere. I don't want to be proud but I also don't want to be wrong. I want her to see that my view is better than hers but what kind of a relationship is that? NOT ONE, if that is what I believe! There's two people in a relationship, not just one.

Is it possible for me to set down my beliefs (and all the facial expressions of those beliefs being set aside) for a brief moment while I hear her out and accept her view and support her for the sake of love? Can I find value in what she thinks and believes? I darn well better be able to or you can say adios mi amiga!

LORD, please help me. I don't want to be considered stupid but more than that, I don't want to be selfish, arrogant, and insensitive. Teach me how to love beyond beliefs. Please forgive me for judging. Help me trust that others aren't unwilling to listen to my view - they just want to be listened to. Help me to listen more and talk less. Please calm my spirit when I disagree with those close to me. Please give me discernment of when to stand for the Truth and when to lay my truth aside. Thank You for loving and caring for me. Give us patience and fill our hearts with love for You and those around us. In Jesus' Name, amen.

summer projects

Here's a sneak peek at a couple of projects I'm working on this summer.

Graffitiministries.org site redesign rough draft #1:



Rough draft #2:


And here's rough draft #3 - this is pretty close to the final look - the final will be more girl than this one:


And here's a sneak peek at the Go-ED community website might look like (in about 3 months... or more!):

These are all dreams and concepts right now. We'll see how much they really are going to look like this when I'm through with all the programming and such. Oh man, I have so much to learn and so much to do. I'm really excited I get to work on these but at the same time pretty nervous to take on such big challenges. Right now I'm still doing things that I'm pretty familiar with - the designing part. Next I have to jump into the programming where I have a little less practice. Here goes!

the fastest way to a man's heart...

is his stomach. Yes, it's true. I just fell head over heels over this girl who served me lunch - a small, seemingly insignificant bowl of baked beans and chopped up grilled hot dog.

Kate came in to see how my work was going. I replied with a smile and a comment on how I was feeling. I asked her what there was for lunch. "Not much," she said, "Cereal?? There's hot dogs but no buns." I kept smiling - staying positive knowing that I really would like something more substantial than cereal or a hot dog without a bun.

Kate left the room to let me work and after about an hour, I was still working. Hmm, I'm hungry, I thought to myself. Before I could stand up to get ready to wander in the kitchen and start scrounging, Kate walked in with a beautiful smile on her face, a cup of water in one hand, a napkin and a bowl of beans and hot dog in the other. That's so much better than what I was thinking I was going to have for lunch, I thought.

A small act of kindness (which I knew wasn't small - those dogs were grilled, which means she stood outside in the heat to cook them, and she found those beans...) and I'm overwhelmed with the love from her and for her.

When you serve each other in selflessness, you can't do anything BUT fall in love.

a new morning

This morning I woke up early to go for a bike ride. I took the bike off the car and strapped on my helmet. I started down this small highway and I can quickly tell from the weight of the air that I'm non longer in Boston - I'm much farther south. This morning reminds me of the summer days in Missouri - warm and humid, so humid you just stand in the sun and start sweating. I feel comfortable though in this humidity, I think to myself as I continue to ride.

Boston was good for a time but now it's time for a new sunrise. Suffolk, Virginia is where Kate's parents just recently moved and staying with them is significantly cheaper than rent in Boston. This short time while we get our feet under ourselves is a better step for this transition rather than struggling to keep our heads above water in Boston. It's a great city - nice organic food selection - but maybe a little too big and not super accepting.

We'll see what southern comfort is all about in the months to come. So far it's looking like the harvest is coming in great.

the boat inatteso

Inatteso is Italian for unexpected, and that's the word I would use to describe my life in Boston - I'd even go back as far as when I started dating Kate. And in each of these cases unexpected doesn't mean bad - it's just not been what I had expected. Kate has been getting lovelier and lovelier every day since we started dating - there's more and more and more I find out about her that I adore and makes me so happy I'm dating her.

Boston has been good...well, at least been okay. Life after college has definitely been unexpected - Boston's expensive and it's not easy to find a new place to stay when you know so few people and have so very little money. I think I expected to move right out of college into my own place with my own silverware and my own refrigerator - but no - I'm sharing again; eating off of unmatched plates, fighting to find towel drying space, walking around quietly in the mornings as to not wake your roommates...it's just not what I had expected.

And life in Boston is good because I've learned a lot. I've learned I'm not quite ready to live in the city without a job. And yes, there are more people, but making new friends is harder than it seems - especially coming in completely new to a place where everyone else has their friend groups set and it ends up that you're just "tagging along" - or so it seems.

So unexpected - but seeing God's grace through these experiences? definitely expected. Jesus is the friend who always accepts - you know, it's nice too that He goes wherever you happen to go too! haha

If anything, Boston has gotten me back in the swing of talking and meeting with God - maybe that's just an out-of-college thing. Well one other thing - spending time with Najeh (our muslim roommate) I've learned a little more about Islam and will learn more en chalah.

peace with a drink

Growing up in a pretty conservative home, drinking was frowned upon to say the least, and the views I have held in respect of honoring and obeying my parents tend to continue well past the boundaries of the house in which I grew up.

Like just about everything else that your parent's teach you, it can be for better or worse.

[Life has it's pendulum swings - your parents do one thing this way that you really don't want to do so you go off the other deep end and your kids don't like the way you do it so they go back closer to your parent's extreme and back again - a pendulum swing. When I raise my kids, I'll teach them differently about drinking - I'm trying to figure out just what I'll teach them though.]

There are reasons I'm glad my parents instilled in me a dislike for alcohol, but as we all - me especially - tend to live in extremes, and being completely turned off and morally opposed to something that may not be wrong in others' eyes can cause some issues. Now, I don't think drinking is wrong either - but the problem is that I still have these ideals stuck in my head that I better not touch the stuff and I better not associate with anyone who does. I mean, how do you transform views you've had for 22 years into your own view? God knows it can't be done overnight and you're probably going to step on some toes as you go.

But this is the best part - when we're patient with people who have those extreme views and are trying to find a better balanced view; or when we're humble enough to un-grasp our firm beliefs in light of guilt-tripping someone who has less extreme views - you find reconciliation. Allowing yourself to change for the sake of someone else (not changing to please them) but allowing yourself to humbly look at their perspective without freaking out that what your good, respectable, Christian parents taught you might have been a little extreme - oh man - when met with patience and respect - there you find love.

I know I might not explained that perfectly clear (it is 1 in the morning) but it's almost one of those things you have to experience to fully understand - just remember - don't go to bed angry with someone you're in a relationship with, allow your "set in stone" beliefs to be broken sometimes (but not without a lot of thought and caution), and don't be selfish, even when you "know" you're "right".

letting me help

A few days ago I was walking to the grocery store to grab some deli meat for lunch. I turned the corner into the parking lot and jogged past this older man walking very slow, crouched over, with a cane. I immediately wanted to help him somehow but he was walking on his own; I can't make him walk any faster, and I was pretty sure he could make through the automatic doors without my help.

So I past him and walked inside. The only thing I could do was thank God for the strength and ability He's given my body. I walked in past the produce and headed toward the deli section. The zip-loc aisle caught my eye (as I'd been looking for some small sandwich bags) and I stopped and started my search for the best bargain.

I searched long and hard and just as I was about to make the perfect selection, the old man with the cane turns the corner and stops right beside me. He starts mumbling something about needing kitchen bags, as if to remind himself of why he's here. "Oh, I left my glasses at home," he finally says coherently. Imagine that, I thought to myself; here was my time to help. We looked over a couple kitchen trash bags and I grabbed the cheapest for him. And just as fast as he had come, he was gone.

Thank You Lord for giving me the opportunity to serve this man or angel - You have your ways of blessing your children and I thank You.