deserve - do something or have or show qualities worthy of (punishment or reward)
Something I've been struggling with since I've come back from my semester in Africa - What do I deserve?
Most Americans believe we deserve a free education, equal rights, a happy life, a good family, etc. and when any of these 'rights' are lost or destroyed by outside forces, we complain of how unfair life is.
According to American standards, I saw a lot of unfair situations in Uganda and Rwanda - children and young adults paying for education; many people walking to work (if they had work) along filthy, littered roads; men and women who believed men had more rights than women; my friends having the same kind of food week after week. And you know what was funny? In Africa, I saw a lot of unfair situations but still a lot of content, thankful, Lord-praising people.
I slept on a four inch thick foam mattress for the last month I was in Uganda - in a concrete, no AC, hot and sticky room - and I lived. I come back to the States and lay on my big, thick, wide mattress at home and think to myself, "Why do I need this? Do I feel like I deserve this because my parents live in the U.S. and every American (if they have the job to afford it) deserves a comfortable bed to sleep on every night?" I made a lot of friends in Uganda who worked so much harder than I have ever worked and still have concrete living room floors, three or more kids sleeping in their bedroom, no car, no laptop, no good paying job. Why do I deserve more than they do?
This is why I wake up most mornings asking myself if I deserve this life I've been given. Am I supposed to believe that I deserve a happy and fulfilling life? What have I done to deserve anything? God knows I don't deserve His Love either.
Can I live with all these things I don't deserve when I know people who deserve so much more than me? Why should I be deserving?
